Suffering is the trickster

I was bent over, pale and in severe pain.  I could hardly sit up.  My appendix was the culprit.

Pain in no stranger to me.  Pain once was a constant companion.

Today I am no longer defined by my individual pain.

When two people love another they have the capacity to cause so much pleasure and so much pain.  We get close to each other and we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Bending back our necks to the sharpened teeth of pain, we risk death, dismemberment, and sacrifice. We also risk grace.

Pain and suffering are kissing cousins. They are not really related, but have been spotted together so often that urban lore implores they are related. Pain is a real phenomenon while suffering is purely optional.

Suffering is the ego's hologram.
Suffering is the trickster
Suffering is an obvious poor choice, dressed in expensive tight jeans.

While I lay recovering in my bed reading books, doing crossword puzzles and thinking, I gave thanks to my pain for all it has gifted to me.

Today I can experience pain and move on..

Are you able to spot the trickster in your life?

Trickster, #4815

 

(c)2009 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: October 3, 2009; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/600 sec; -1/3 EV; ISO 400; 44mm.

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Rainbow of Love

I have lived most of my life in the world of black and white, not understanding the variations of gray fog that hovered low to the ground between the two extremes.  Black and white are absolutes.  I was imprisoned between the two monstrous monoliths.  Neither black nor white represent reality.  It was in the gray fog where I found the door to world of color.

Yes, I had to wander blindly in the gray fog for along time. 
Yes, I was lost and disoriented. 
And yes, I lost faith in my creator.  But then I felt the doorknob.  

I stood before the door for a very long time, paralyzed.  I was not sure what would happen if I opened the door.  What would be on the other side?  Would I be safe? Would I live?

Standing for many, many moons before the door, I finally built up the courage to turn the doorknob.  The door blew open with colors and music.  And, I was transformed.  I saw with my own eyes the brilliance of life. Not only did I see, but I was seen.  I was witnessed. I was forever changed.

This brilliant vibrant colorful me cannot survive in the world of black and white.  I must forge a new path on the rainbow of love. I must walk this path with those I love, or  walk alone.  But, one truth is certain, I must continue to walk.

Door and Brick, #3021

 

(c)2009 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: May 28, 2008; Canon 20D; f/16 @ 1/500 sec; ±0 EV; ISO 400; 70mm.

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Hummingbird Medicine

Recently, while meditating, I lay on a blanket basking in the California sunshine while soaking up the rays of God. I opened my eyes and hovering directly above me was a tiny hummingbird.  She was peering down at me as if to say "I see you.  I know you. I witness you."  I felt her powerful presence and understood this was a holy moment. Her wings moving up and down frenetically, in a peaceful, purposeful way.

As I continue to lay still watching her watch me I felt visible, seen, and spiritually vulnerable. She darted to and fro, coming back to hover and look at me. This lasted for  less than 2 minutes, but felt like an afternoon. It was as if time slowed down as her wings quickened and propelled her energetically. When she took flight there was a distinct high pitched sound marking her leave taking. She sang her song to me as she flew away.

I want to honor my loved ones in a similar way. I want to cease my frenetic pace, and turn towards my partner, daughter, best friend and parent and meet their eyes when they speak. I want to witness them for who they are, just as I felt witnessed by hummingbird. 
Do I allow those I love in my life to sing their own song? 
Am I able to witness others and appreciate them for who they are? 
Am I able to sing my own song?  
Am I able to be witnessed?  
Are you? 

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Untitled, #7154

(c)2009 James W. Murray, all rights reserved

(click image for full-sized version)

Details:  May 6, 2006; Canon 20D; f/10 @ 1/200 sec; -1/3 EV; ISO 200; 55mm

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