Friday, January 20, 2012

Life Happens

Last night I had a dream that I was living with my sister and her husband. It was an earlier time in my life. I could tell by the living conditions, and how we all looked. We were much younger. My brother-in-law is a very tall man, and in my dream he was the brother-in-law of yesteryear. A slim, tanned, tall man making his way down the long dark hallway in our home. It was summer. I felt the heat radiating in the room while the heat waves distorting my vision. I felt the cold glass in my hand, and shifting in the chair I heard the telltale sound of ice cubes.

When I woke up I went back in my mind to when we all lived together on Lone Tree Court. Even the street name ominously predicted my trajectory. In those days, as a lone tree, I was absent for my life. My drinking had become a way of being unavailable. I did not yet have the skills to live life as an adult.

Many lost moments.

Many times I failed to appear in my own life.

Many hazardous encounters.

Many parties with too many "spirits".

Back then I hoped to be a tragic writer, famous and irreverent. I liked the idea of a small dark room, a typewriter, cigarettes, and a bottle. But when it came down to actually doing something, I was incarcerated by the booze. A prisoner to King Alcohol and his mad denizens.

During this time my younger brother Jay was killed in a drunk driving accident. This tale is too sad to tell right now. However, the point being, I was unavailable to myself or my family during this tragedy because I was wandering lost in the fog of John Barleycorn's purgatory. The loss of my brother hurt so I drank more.

It matters little whether we are spinning a web of shiny perfection or one of sloppy disinterest — life happens. We cannot always retrieve what was missed the first time around. Sometimes we are forced to live with the reality that there is no going back for another try.

Today I know deep down inside, even when life hurts, or when I am really afraid, that no amount of distraction will help. The old idea here is to feel the pain. And by being in the pain, I am healed. How this works is truly unclear. But I am beginning to believe that the pain is an invitation for the Graces. When I try to "handle" everything on my own, I shut out the divine.

So just for today, I am reaching out my hands for strength greater than my own. Reaching in earnest always invites Grace, Peace and Hope.

May you be filled with these three Blessings as you walk your path today.



Dead Man's Drink, #2406-7D

© 2012 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: October 7, 2011; Canon 7D; f/5.6 @ 1/32 sec; —2/3 EV; ISO 1000;
Canon EF 70-300mm f/4-5.6 L IS USM @ 252mm
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Monday, January 16, 2012

Saying What is So

Truth is not subject to my interpretation. Truth is a matter of fact.
Largely my truth is based on my own perceptions, which are impacted by my feelings and my fears. Saying what is so for me means knowing what is so for me. That takes focus and willingness to slow down enough to listen to my inner truth. I have a small still voice within that does speak to me regularly. That does not mean I listen, however, nor that I pay attention.


How do you pay attention to the small still voice within yourself? How do you know the difference between that intuitive all knowing voice versus the cackle of the "committee" which is misguiding and can be very painful?


Spending time in meditation, quiet reflection and in the natural world is my way of listening and paying attention to the divine voice within. Sometimes the world gets going so fast and my mind and heart are spinning so out of control that it is very difficult to hear this small quiet voice.

Today I am holding myself softly in the knowledge that the intuitive voice I seek to know is within me and all around me, and I can open up to by slowing down and listening.




Ear, #7949-20D

© 2011 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: May 15, 2010; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/100 sec; —1/3 EV; ISO 200;
Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro USM
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Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolutions

Each new year brings promise and hope to the world.


Every year we all experience moments of joy, sorrow, tragedy and comedy.

Recently I found myself wandering on the "Strip" in Las Vegas and saw a woman dressed up as Minny Mouse, slumped down on the sidewalk, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette. I decided to post an image of the scene, taken by my husband, as part of the first 2012 blog entry of A Talking Stick.


The caricature, stark and tragic, struck my soul in such a way that I was forced to hold my breath. Afraid to exhale, I stood still in the midst of a seething sea of tourists and local personalities. In Vegas, where there is an acutely obvious divide of wealth and poverty, many people stopped to gawk, mock, laugh and take photographs. (Others — perhaps most — crowded past in oblivious pursuit of New Year's oblivion.)


In the vacant eyes of the distorted Disney phantom I saw humanity. She was the shadow of what we could all become. With enough fear and pain any one of us could be laid out on a public sidewalk, numbing our aching soul in front of the world, silently screaming "Yes, I have buried my dreams. Yes, I have lost any sight of my golden purpose. Yes, I have quit life."


The quiet truth is this: it takes courage to get up some mornings and engage the world. It takes faith to continue to believe in Love and Truth, when all we see on Fox News are lies and distortions. It takes a village to Occupy Wall Street while Wall Street is trying to occupy our dreams. It takes dreams to revision the world and Mother Earth, dreams that only you and I can bring.


Healing does happen. Healing happens when we are looking for good. Healing happens when I soften my heart to the reality that my enemy is truly my brother.


Today I resolve to be a healing force in the world. I am lucky to be fully alive today. As the moon waxes tonight, I too grow full in the love and peace of the Divine.


Happy New Year.



Las Vegas New Year's Eve Mouse, #5103-7D


© 2011 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.


(click image for larger version)

Details: December 31, 2011; Canon 7D; f/13 @ 1/83 sec; —2/3 EV; ISO 500; Canon EF 70-300mm f/4-5.6L IS USM @ 78mm

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