Thursday, June 24, 2010

Wading into the healing waters

Big stuff is busting out in our couple's counseling.

My husband and I began undertaking resistance to improve authentic connection in our marriage. The fear of water (being a big powerful source of emotion, creation and destruction) is primal. It is dangerous to misstep around water; one could lose their life. A sudden submersion can create an environment lacking the oxygen essential to remain breathing. Breath provides the energy of Life. Being in fear of losing one's breath can create enough energy to bolster one significantly.

Wading into the healing waters led by a kindly shaman who knows the way, we follow and then may become tired or scared. Then we either get lost in our inner chaos, or we simply fall back into old ways of wandering -- usually blinded by attachment to what we think we must have. Yet blind, faithful wandering can also lead us back to HOME.

The home I remember is discovered traversing the water and flowing into creative connections to self and others.

It is hard enough trying to see and comprehend what I see. I am unable to see for another person with any degree of accuracy. Sometime one must lose one's sight to gain the vision.


Precipice, #8932

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: June 20, 2010; Canon 20D; f/5 @ 1/1603 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 200; 100mm.

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Summer Solstice

On the longest day of sunlight in the year I found myself focusing on some areas in my life that need more light. I deliberately opened the blinds in the room of indifference. I focused on the few items I cleverly put away to avoid.

Funny how avoidance works.

It doesn't.

Avoidance is like running hard on a conveyor belt headed toward that issue I most want to pretend does not exist. There is an old saying, "run towards the roar." My instinct is to run from the roar. But it is a ruse. The old lion roars in the north, while the young female lionesses wait in the tall grass. As I run away from the roar, I am tearing towards my own demise.

Denial is considered an evolved response when the alternative is avoidance. At least with denial, I can pretend I really do not know. With avoidance the knowledge bites at my heels like the hounds of Hades.

In marriage I try to avoid the things I know will cause tension. I know this does not work. Although I continue to pretend that if we simply don't talk about it, "it" will go away. The only thing that will go away is the trust we have worked to build in our relationship. So why do I continue to behave in a manner which always results in eventual tension? Why not be excited to have the conversation that brings us closer together through mutual trust and communication?

Tonight, as the sun sets I am walking towards the roar. Would you care to join me?


Hilo Sunset Ship, #8227

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: August 28, 2007; Canon 20D; f/9 @ 1/160 sec; ±0 EV; ISO 200; 55mm.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The truth is always easier to remember.

As a child, I would sometimes lie for no reason. I was afraid my father would be mad or disappointed in me, so I would lie to him. I was never very good at lying. I always got caught. But, that never stopped me.

What things in my life do I continue to do even if I am not good at them?

I sing, loud.

I dance, not well, but I love to dance.

I give advice even though my life is not perfect.

I interrupt people because I am so excited to be in the conversation and in the relationship, but they never like or appreciate it, no matter what the reason.

What do you do that you are not very good at?

Are you willing to continue long enough to develop some skill?

What would I do in my life if I knew I could not fail?

I would write bestselling inspirational books that would remain on the New York Times bestseller list for 702 weeks.

I would be a highly sought after international inspirational speaker and teacher focused on helping people unlock their own potential.

I would quit my job and live my dreams.

What would you do?


At the Hop, #7309

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.


(click image for larger version)

Details: August 6, 2006; Canon 20D; f/5 @ 1/30 sec; -1/3 EV; ISO 800; 38mm.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Strategic Destruction

The poet Hafiz wrote, "Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like you to find better living conditions."

I have lived in an opulent castle of fear for the past forty-eight years. I personally handled every detail, piece of furniture and floral arrangements, which were delivered fresh daily.

When I allow love into my heart it's equal to packing up one room at a time in the opulent castle, and sending its contents to storage.

It is the strategic destruction of fear.

Sorting through the hoards of fear provides the possibility of a new living address. I can change my zip code any time I choose by giving up the old and unnecessary in my life. Fear falls into this category.

Creation involves destruction.

Look around and listen.

As I move the boxes out of the castle into my humble new abode, I surrender to the divine. In surrender I am recreated into a trusting woman. Mother Earth continuously creates herself anew. I am invited to join her in this cyclical birth/death/rebirth dance which is ongoing and never ending.

I am always up for a good dance.



Past, Present, Future, #4726

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.


(click image for larger version)

Details: September 19, 2009; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/400 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 100; 18mm.

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Rite of Passage

My daughter recently graduated from middle school. Her"tribe" gathered to witness this Rite of Passage. Graduation from eighth grade leaves her perched and ready to swoop down from the tall tree of adolescence into young adulthood and high school.

Everything changes when we cross a threshold.

It may be invisible to the rest of the village, tribe or even the world. But within the terrain of the soul we must stop and take stock of what and who we are in this moment. Then, and only then, can we step onto the path of initiation.

As my daughter received her diploma I was acutely aware that a friend sitting to my left had said goodbye to her boyfriend earlier that morning when he was sentenced to eighteen months in jail.

Another threshold.

Another initiation.

As I consciously held the joy and the sorrow of these two events, a raven flew over the procession of graduates, calling out as if to remind those who may have forgotten, "be who you are," for what other choice is there?



Hannah Stepping into a New World, #8660

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: June 11, 2010; Canon 20D; f/8 @ 1/320 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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