I get so attached to people and animals that I yearn for them.
I still yearn for my beautiful dog, Washo. Washo was pure love, happy, loyal, strong, beautiful and courageous.
He was the best partner I ever had; he never let me down.
When he was killed by a mountain lion in the hills above Ukiah, I let him down: I did not protect him from the bad things that could or would eventually get him.
I felt this way when my older brother Tom died of cancer.
He was 46 years old. His birthday was the day before he died. I felt like if I had been a better sister and if I had loved him harder and more, he would live.
He died of metastatic cancer.
His death was not a reflection of my lack of love or deficiencies as a sister.
When I was young my father would ridicule me for crying when guests would leave our home after a visit. He called me Sarah Bernhardt. I did not know she was a great actress in the silent movies. All I knew was that my father did not like it when I cried my farewells to loved ones.
I fall in love too easily.
I love too long. I am too loyal when it comes to love.
I love people who don't deserve my love. I love my people forever -- even those that have hurt me.
It takes a long time to soothe my broken heart.
Yet, I cannot stop loving people. I have tried.
Love is the only source of pure happiness and freedom. Love is the purest expression of God.
When I am on my knees aching deeply in my broken heart, I realize I am blessed to love. There is no way to love too much. What the world needs now is love sweet love.
There a sweet pure golden nectar of love pouring from my heart into yours. It is a never ending fountain of source energy from the Divine. I must allow it to flow even when I am afraid of being hurt. Stopping the flow would have dire consequences in my life and for the life of my people.
I am a part of the river of the love flowing through all of us. Remove all the dams, and dance with me in the golden nectar of the Divine.
Simpatico, #7285
© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.
(click image for larger version)
Details: April 14, 2010; Canon 20D; f/16 @ 1/250 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.
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Actually, loving too much is not the problem: it is the choices we make in the name of love that are at issue (aka, loving too much in the wrong ways).
ReplyDeleteBeing a loving & giving person is a gift but we have to protect ourselves and be selective. It is really important that you treat yourself with more gentleness. All of us repeat unhealthy patterns of behavior and it takes time to unlearn, sometimes a very long time. The main thing is to not beat yourself up about it.
The true tragedy of love comes with never allowing oneself to experience it fully and unconditionally.
Just my two cents…
One other thought to ponder: no woman becomes a woman who loves too much by accident. And you can change from a woman who loves so much it hurts into a woman who loves herself enough to stop the pain.
ReplyDeleteMy last two cents.
The alternative of not loving is an empty shell, incapable of feeling anything.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for tears- they mean I still feel.
I embrace the loving person I am. I surround myself with your love and so many others -- it is real- I heal, and feel.
"And the greatest of these is love."