Caring Too Much

Have you ever felt like you cared "too much" about someone? Your child? Your parents? Your friend? Your spouse or significant other?

In the earlier days of my life I thought care for another person meant doing the things for them that they could do for themselves.

I know today that caring means action from a place of love and support, not from a place of control or constraint. My attempts to care for lovers or loved ones where really my own misguided attempts to quell my inner struggle with personal demons of abandonment, loss and death. By focusing on others I could temporarily avoid the sense of bondage I had to my own insanity and cascading emotional decompensation.

In my marriage today I am invited to be "in relationship," everyday. From the altar of "to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish . . ."
We don't marry by accident. We are drawn to the partner who will help us grow into the best person we can be through provoking that which were are most afraid to face.

When I sit in my compassionate heart and allow LOVE to guide my actions I demonstrate devotional care. When my heart and mind are in alignment with God's Will for me, I am blessed to have the "real eyes" to see my husband's love for me through the actions driven by divine motives.

Care is a natural by-product of love. Love is a complex process that takes us deep into our own chambers and may take years to cultivate. A few simple actions can put me on the right path. If I point my compass towards True North, I am bound to find my way.

Sometimes the very best I can do is keep my mouth shut and stay on my side of the street.

Sharon Murriguez, Julianna and James, #7839

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: May 27, 2007; Canon 20D; f/5 @ 1/25 sec; —1/3 EV; ISO 1600; 41mm.

Photographer uncertain; attributed to Eric R. Murriguez

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Rattling the Bones

As we are born into this life, we come in skin wrapped around our ancestors. The bones that compose our bodies link us physically to our ancestors.

Human beings at the most basic level are dermis wrapped around carbon infused with DNA that connects us to the Divine. Within our bones we are connected to the beginning of the world. The dust swirling in the universe since the Big Bang -- which gave birth to the stars -- is the same dust that is encrypted in our bones.

Thus our very skeletons are inescapably intertwined with the eternal substance of all existence. The physical and genetic connection to those who have come before us empower us through their never forgotten wisdom, traditions, magic and stories.

Maturity brings growth. Spiritual and physical growth includes pain. Growing bones bring forth the full knowledge of who we are, based on our very design.

Our bones are at once strong, and fragile. They hold us upright and create our form. They can fuse, fracture, and break.

Our bones heal. They repair, renew and reveal "the ancient way" of carrying ourselves through life.

At death, when we shed our body, the skin decays but the bones linger. Eventually they too return to the Great Mother as dust, ash, and the building blocks of matter.

Rattling the bones of my ancestors brings to life the rhythm of my people. The stories, wisdom and dance of my ancestors is forever available.

Now it is my turn to dance!

I MUST rattle the bones to know my ancestral alchemy because I have a young maiden and daughter who carries within her bones the archetypal and genetic fact of her own magnificence.

Today, I will dance the dance and sing to the songs of my ancestors.

Today, I celebrate myself as a permanent part of my ancestral lineage.

Are you good to your bones?
Are you connected to your history and ancestors?
How does your ancestral connection shape your life purpose?

Make the time in this life to know your ancestors, those living and dead.

Genesis, #0405

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: August 14, 2010; Canon 20D; f/5.6 @ 1/1000 sec; —2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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Ask and You Shall Receive

In the world of imagination, anything is possible.

If you can dream it, you can do it.

I am a big believer in the power of dreams.

Dreams are doorways to the collective unconscious. Yes, that means when we dream, we swim in the lake of abundant creation.

Dreams present opportunities every night.

Ancestors, guides, animal helpers and angels speak through images and emotion throughout dream time.

My sister was just visiting from New York. I purchased a Dream Catcher for her that she admired. The Dream Catcher and Dream Pillow are just two tools used in dream work to help enhance and focus dream time.

Since we sleep every night, why not let dream time be a place of magic and possibility?

Ask, and you shall receive.

Try it.

Ask for a dream to come to you tonight to help you with something.

It has been my consistent experience to receive messages through dreams. They don't come like an arithmetic solution, however answers do come.

Find a friend to recount the events of the dream, and soon you be on your way to dream time manifestation.

If you dream it, you are meant to do it. Let your dreams lead you back to your purpose.

Untitled, #144x

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: November 8, 2008; Canon 20D; f/9 @ 15 secs; ±0 EV; ISO 400; 41mm.

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The Absence of Fences

I am afraid of intimacy.

I like the comfort of being in control of my personal world.

When I chance loving another being, I surrender the illusion of being the one who makes things happen.

In marriage we must recognize our own personal fences. The types, styles, colors and purposes of our fences are totally our design.

Well, we did have help in constructing our fences from our parents, family of origin and social constructs. Religions are notorious carpenters as well. So fences are prefab.

All the fences we have constructed are purposeful. They are intended to keep some things in and others out. Their effectiveness may wane, however.

My fences help contain parts of my Self when necessary.

Fences also help me to define where my ten acres begin and end . . .

• Is it possible to live and love in a relationship with the absence of fences?

• Is it reasonable to ask for the happiness felt in a secure relationship to be given without expectations?

• I am playing at being a higher power when I expect and wish for increased intimacy in my marriage?

• Does love ask me to let someone be my priority while I am only their option?

I am seeking a new world without fences. Would I be able to love in a world in the absence of fences? I think I may encounter God there.

Arizona Fence, #7626

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: January 6, 2007; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/320 sec; ±0 EV; ISO 400; 61mm.

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Communion

I love people so much that it can physically hurt.

I get so attached to people and animals that I yearn for them.

I still yearn for my beautiful dog, Washo. Washo was pure love, happy, loyal, strong, beautiful and courageous.

He was the best partner I ever had; he never let me down.

When he was killed by a mountain lion in the hills above Ukiah, I let him down: I did not protect him from the bad things that could or would eventually get him.

I felt this way when my older brother Tom died of cancer.

He was 46 years old. His birthday was the day before he died. I felt like if I had been a better sister and if I had loved him harder and more, he would live.

He died of metastatic cancer.

His death was not a reflection of my lack of love or deficiencies as a sister.

When I was young my father would ridicule me for crying when guests would leave our home after a visit. He called me Sarah Bernhardt. I did not know she was a great actress in the silent movies. All I knew was that my father did not like it when I cried my farewells to loved ones.

I fall in love too easily.

I love too long. I am too loyal when it comes to love.

I love people who don't deserve my love. I love my people forever -- even those that have hurt me.

It takes a long time to soothe my broken heart.

Yet, I cannot stop loving people. I have tried.

Love is the only source of pure happiness and freedom. Love is the purest expression of God.

When I am on my knees aching deeply in my broken heart, I realize I am blessed to love. There is no way to love too much. What the world needs now is love sweet love.

There a sweet pure golden nectar of love pouring from my heart into yours. It is a never ending fountain of source energy from the Divine. I must allow it to flow even when I am afraid of being hurt. Stopping the flow would have dire consequences in my life and for the life of my people.

I am a part of the river of the love flowing through all of us. Remove all the dams, and dance with me in the golden nectar of the Divine.

Simpatico, #7285

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: April 14, 2010; Canon 20D; f/16 @ 1/250 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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Let it Be

What I decided when I was growing up is that it takes a lot of energy to be in relationship with others. Sometimes it is overwhelming to be with others. In my family we did not learn how to connect and sustain relationships, even between one another.

As an adult I was thrust into relationship with others. There are many different ways to be in relationship. All of my attempts centered on the false premise that there must be a way to love without risk. Love seemed dichotomous. It was either good or bad.

Energy is neutral. It exists in the light and in the dark. It is cold, hot and warm. Energy is the source of all things; all things are energy.

Synergy between people is a generator of energy. Conflict between people is a detractor of energy.

Taking care of my own personal energy is my job.

I sometimes want others to do this job for me. This is where I get myself into trouble. When I expect, hope or demand others to take care of situations that I alone am responsible for, I am asking too much of the people I love. I am detracting from my relationship with others.

The difference between my own responsibility and others is not always clear. When I ask the Divine for help I am granted "clearer vision." I can see my own responsibilities more clearly. I can let others' situations be.

Still, it takes a lot of energy to be in relationship with other people.

Today I see this energy as vast and abundant. The energy for loving others does not come from me, but rather comes through me from the Divine. Once I recognize and accept this truth, suddenly I am able to be in love with others and take care of myself.

What a relief is to know instead of tuning into FEAR I can tune into LOVE. But I still exercise the muscle to turn the dial.

Cane Energy, #5962

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: December 28, 2009; Canon 20D; f/5.6 @ 1 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 55mm.

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Independence Day

It's what we all strive to be: independent of the people who raised us, and to be able to live independently while searching for the One True Love . . .

Yet, once found isn't it then that we too frequently become dependent, or even the more dastardly, Codependent with the new found lover?

Independence Day celebrates our liberation from the British. The United States broke ranks and created a new form of governance. The revolutionaries' hope was that through rejection of Kingdom's control and laws the new country's people would work collectively to create a genuine, free democracy, displacing an oppressive monarchy.

As individuals, in partnership or not, we must find our own sense of Independence. An enlightened connection to one's Self enables connecting with others. Independence and interdependence are both needed in a healthy society, and are vital to a functioning family system.

Knowing who I am, and what I want, makes it much easier for my partner to know my wants. We free ourselves of the old broken processes of mind reading and need meeting. In my family of origin I needed to know what you needed before you did so I could meet that need immediately. By reading minds and meeting needs I earned my keep -- survived -- in the family system. The price I paid was the loss my sense of Self in this process of constant vigilance.

I cannot truly fully meet others' needs, or even anticipate what their needs may be. I can only focus on myself and be in relationship with myself, so that when I do need something I can understand and ask for help. Knowing who I am -- my strengths, weaknesses, capacities and limitations is true Independence.

By realizing such Independence I am empowered to be a whole partner for my One True Love. The TRUEST Power is that which is found in my heart. It there that is the source of the power to love even when the instinct is to run.

Flag Grab, #8888

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

(click image for larger version)

Details: June 20, 2010; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/1001 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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