Let it Be

What I decided when I was growing up is that it takes a lot of energy to be in relationship with others. Sometimes it is overwhelming to be with others. In my family we did not learn how to connect and sustain relationships, even between one another.

As an adult I was thrust into relationship with others. There are many different ways to be in relationship. All of my attempts centered on the false premise that there must be a way to love without risk. Love seemed dichotomous. It was either good or bad.

Energy is neutral. It exists in the light and in the dark. It is cold, hot and warm. Energy is the source of all things; all things are energy.

Synergy between people is a generator of energy. Conflict between people is a detractor of energy.

Taking care of my own personal energy is my job.

I sometimes want others to do this job for me. This is where I get myself into trouble. When I expect, hope or demand others to take care of situations that I alone am responsible for, I am asking too much of the people I love. I am detracting from my relationship with others.

The difference between my own responsibility and others is not always clear. When I ask the Divine for help I am granted "clearer vision." I can see my own responsibilities more clearly. I can let others' situations be.

Still, it takes a lot of energy to be in relationship with other people.

Today I see this energy as vast and abundant. The energy for loving others does not come from me, but rather comes through me from the Divine. Once I recognize and accept this truth, suddenly I am able to be in love with others and take care of myself.

What a relief is to know instead of tuning into FEAR I can tune into LOVE. But I still exercise the muscle to turn the dial.

Cane Energy, #5962

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: December 28, 2009; Canon 20D; f/5.6 @ 1 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 55mm.

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Independence Day

It's what we all strive to be: independent of the people who raised us, and to be able to live independently while searching for the One True Love . . .

Yet, once found isn't it then that we too frequently become dependent, or even the more dastardly, Codependent with the new found lover?

Independence Day celebrates our liberation from the British. The United States broke ranks and created a new form of governance. The revolutionaries' hope was that through rejection of Kingdom's control and laws the new country's people would work collectively to create a genuine, free democracy, displacing an oppressive monarchy.

As individuals, in partnership or not, we must find our own sense of Independence. An enlightened connection to one's Self enables connecting with others. Independence and interdependence are both needed in a healthy society, and are vital to a functioning family system.

Knowing who I am, and what I want, makes it much easier for my partner to know my wants. We free ourselves of the old broken processes of mind reading and need meeting. In my family of origin I needed to know what you needed before you did so I could meet that need immediately. By reading minds and meeting needs I earned my keep -- survived -- in the family system. The price I paid was the loss my sense of Self in this process of constant vigilance.

I cannot truly fully meet others' needs, or even anticipate what their needs may be. I can only focus on myself and be in relationship with myself, so that when I do need something I can understand and ask for help. Knowing who I am -- my strengths, weaknesses, capacities and limitations is true Independence.

By realizing such Independence I am empowered to be a whole partner for my One True Love. The TRUEST Power is that which is found in my heart. It there that is the source of the power to love even when the instinct is to run.

Flag Grab, #8888

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: June 20, 2010; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/1001 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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Wading into the healing waters

Big stuff is busting out in our couple's counseling.

My husband and I began undertaking resistance to improve authentic connection in our marriage. The fear of water (being a big powerful source of emotion, creation and destruction) is primal. It is dangerous to misstep around water; one could lose their life. A sudden submersion can create an environment lacking the oxygen essential to remain breathing. Breath provides the energy of Life. Being in fear of losing one's breath can create enough energy to bolster one significantly.

Wading into the healing waters led by a kindly shaman who knows the way, we follow and then may become tired or scared. Then we either get lost in our inner chaos, or we simply fall back into old ways of wandering -- usually blinded by attachment to what we think we must have. Yet blind, faithful wandering can also lead us back to HOME.

The home I remember is discovered traversing the water and flowing into creative connections to self and others.

It is hard enough trying to see and comprehend what I see. I am unable to see for another person with any degree of accuracy. Sometime one must lose one's sight to gain the vision.

Precipice, #8932

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: June 20, 2010; Canon 20D; f/5 @ 1/1603 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 200; 100mm.

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Summer Solstice

On the longest day of sunlight in the year I found myself focusing on some areas in my life that need more light. I deliberately opened the blinds in the room of indifference. I focused on the few items I cleverly put away to avoid.

Funny how avoidance works.

It doesn't.

Avoidance is like running hard on a conveyor belt headed toward that issue I most want to pretend does not exist. There is an old saying, "run towards the roar." My instinct is to run from the roar. But it is a ruse. The old lion roars in the north, while the young female lionesses wait in the tall grass. As I run away from the roar, I am tearing towards my own demise.

Denial is considered an evolved response when the alternative is avoidance. At least with denial, I can pretend I really do not know. With avoidance the knowledge bites at my heels like the hounds of Hades.

In marriage I try to avoid the things I know will cause tension. I know this does not work. Although I continue to pretend that if we simply don't talk about it, "it" will go away. The only thing that will go away is the trust we have worked to build in our relationship. So why do I continue to behave in a manner which always results in eventual tension? Why not be excited to have the conversation that brings us closer together through mutual trust and communication?

Tonight, as the sun sets I am walking towards the roar. Would you care to join me?

Hilo Sunset Ship, #8227

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: August 28, 2007; Canon 20D; f/9 @ 1/160 sec; ±0 EV; ISO 200; 55mm.

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The truth is always easier to remember.

As a child, I would sometimes lie for no reason. I was afraid my father would be mad or disappointed in me, so I would lie to him. I was never very good at lying. I always got caught. But, that never stopped me.

What things in my life do I continue to do even if I am not good at them?

I sing, loud.

I dance, not well, but I love to dance.

I give advice even though my life is not perfect.

I interrupt people because I am so excited to be in the conversation and in the relationship, but they never like or appreciate it, no matter what the reason.

What do you do that you are not very good at?

Are you willing to continue long enough to develop some skill?

What would I do in my life if I knew I could not fail?

I would write bestselling inspirational books that would remain on the New York Times bestseller list for 702 weeks.

I would be a highly sought after international inspirational speaker and teacher focused on helping people unlock their own potential.

I would quit my job and live my dreams.

What would you do?

At the Hop, #7309

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: August 6, 2006; Canon 20D; f/5 @ 1/30 sec; -1/3 EV; ISO 800; 38mm.

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Strategic Destruction

The poet Hafiz wrote, "Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like you to find better living conditions."

I have lived in an opulent castle of fear for the past forty-eight years. I personally handled every detail, piece of furniture and floral arrangements, which were delivered fresh daily.

When I allow love into my heart it's equal to packing up one room at a time in the opulent castle, and sending its contents to storage.

It is the strategic destruction of fear.

Sorting through the hoards of fear provides the possibility of a new living address. I can change my zip code any time I choose by giving up the old and unnecessary in my life. Fear falls into this category.

Creation involves destruction.

Look around and listen.

As I move the boxes out of the castle into my humble new abode, I surrender to the divine. In surrender I am recreated into a trusting woman. Mother Earth continuously creates herself anew. I am invited to join her in this cyclical birth/death/rebirth dance which is ongoing and never ending.

I am always up for a good dance.

Past, Present, Future, #4726

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: September 19, 2009; Canon 20D; f/11 @ 1/400 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 100; 18mm.

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Rite of Passage

My daughter recently graduated from middle school. Her"tribe" gathered to witness this Rite of Passage. Graduation from eighth grade leaves her perched and ready to swoop down from the tall tree of adolescence into young adulthood and high school.

Everything changes when we cross a threshold.

It may be invisible to the rest of the village, tribe or even the world. But within the terrain of the soul we must stop and take stock of what and who we are in this moment. Then, and only then, can we step onto the path of initiation.

As my daughter received her diploma I was acutely aware that a friend sitting to my left had said goodbye to her boyfriend earlier that morning when he was sentenced to eighteen months in jail.

Another threshold.

Another initiation.

As I consciously held the joy and the sorrow of these two events, a raven flew over the procession of graduates, calling out as if to remind those who may have forgotten, "be who you are," for what other choice is there?

Hannah Stepping into a New World, #8660

© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.

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Details: June 11, 2010; Canon 20D; f/8 @ 1/320 sec; -2/3 EV; ISO 400; 100mm.

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